well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
