I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
