peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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