Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
