doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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