Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
