Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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