Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
porn star boner night. come get it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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