does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
