Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
