it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
