allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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