Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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