so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
