ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
