i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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