You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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