Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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