i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
