I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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