Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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