I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
