you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize