After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
