Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
