i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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