I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
