Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
