The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
