Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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