I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
