Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
