im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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