I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
