one two three fourrrrnication!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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