I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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