Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she smelled like a LAN party
only you would photoshop your dick
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
