I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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