Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
there is glitter all over my balls
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
