Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
