Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
