What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
