im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
