Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
