I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
