I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
