Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
