Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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