That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
