I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize