By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize