i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
