Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
