I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
