dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
