if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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