Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
