I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
