At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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