If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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