it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
