if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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