she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
