So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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