Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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