oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
