There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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